Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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