I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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