There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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