he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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