how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
