I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
