she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
