Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
