you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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