I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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