i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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