I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
