That's when you crack a 10am beer
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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