He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
