just come out here and I will go home with you...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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