went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize