Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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