My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
