Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
