Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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