walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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