we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
