my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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