he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
