i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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