After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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