Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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