dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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