respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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