After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
