I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
