I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
