I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
