At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
