you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
