A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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