ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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