my sisters under your porch take her home
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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