I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
