tell your sister to shave her snatch
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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