she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
