Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It was confusing and full of hummus
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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