Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
