i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
