just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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