I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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