I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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