Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
we're so committed to being not committed
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
