break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
