My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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