I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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