I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
