The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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