Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
