Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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