so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
