Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
