Pappa wants mamma naked
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have already put on my inside pants.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize