On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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