just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
should my penis look like a turkey
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
