he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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