Dual....:-)
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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