No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
