Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
