Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
