I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
