I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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