did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
