under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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