I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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