John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
