babies were throwing up all over the place
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
