Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
