Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
