I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I could fuck to npr.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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