Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
