I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
