He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
