I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Mom said you looked used
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
