you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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