3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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