She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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