Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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