Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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