Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
