I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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