i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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