why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
