all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
