So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
