He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
