dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
