I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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