Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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