I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
