he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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