Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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