the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I CAN MOONWALK!
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
