I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
