the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
