I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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