Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
