Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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