he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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