Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
There are leaves in my underwear?
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