she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We named our party play list daddy issues
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
