I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
