every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I am one with the molecules
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
