is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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