Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
